Sahil Bloom · April 12, 2024

3 Habits to Upgrade Your Life, Law of Reversed Effort, & More

Glance

A Friday Five issue covering conflict resolution through listening, the Law of Reversed Effort, three tiny daily habits, and morning pages for creativity.

Meaning

Sahil Bloom assembles five short pieces around relationships, legacy, flow, and habits. He argues that disagreements with loved ones are navigated best by shifting from "Me vs. You" to "Us vs. Problem"—listening to understand rather than waiting to speak. He then unpacks Aldous Huxley's Law of Reversed Effort, illustrated by a Zen parable and elite sprinters' 85% rule, contending that balanced effort beats maximal straining. He closes with three free daily habits (no phone post-wakeup, grayscale mode, 1-1-1 journaling) and the practice of Morning Pages for sparking creativity.

The author, in their own words

Question to improve your relationships:

Are you listening to understand or just waiting to speak?

When I was younger, I used to think that you should never have an argument or fight with someone you love.

As I've matured, I've realized that navigating disagreements is how you grow in love with someone.

The key to navigating disagreements successfully—with "success" defined as reaching a solution that helps the relationship grow stronger through the conflict—is mutual understanding.

Let me ask you a question:

How often have you been in a fight with a loved one and found yourself waiting for your turn to speak?

They are going on and on about the issue and you're tapping your foot on the ground and looking at your watch (hopefully metaphorically!) until they finish so that you can get your points across.

I've been there—it's the default setting of relationship conflict for most of us, and it's the worst way to approach the conflict.

You're waiting to speak, not listening to understand.

Dr. Julie Gurner is a coach who works with some of the most powerful and high performing leaders in the world. Her model for conflict resolution focuses on shifting from conflict to collaboration:

Shift from "Me vs. You" positioning (confrontational, waiting to speak) to "Us vs. Problem" positioning (collaborative, listening to understand).

When you listen to understand, you work against a common enemy (the problem) and solve it more effectively.

Think about this the next time you find yourself in a relationship conflict. I guarantee you'll land the plane in a better place as a result.

Quote on leaving a legacy:

You get one chance at this life.

Why not create something remarkable?

Framework to find your flow:

The Law of Reversed Effort

There is a Zen parable that I absolutely love:

This story brings to life a concept called the Law of Reversed Effort, coined by author Aldous Huxley:

"The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed."

It's easy to find examples from your own life where this concept rings true:

When you press to try to complete a creative task, you become less creative.
When you actively push to try to find the perfect partner, you rarely find that person.
When you try to force yourself to fall asleep, you stare at the ceiling awake.

Elite sprinters follow the 85% rule: They try to run at 85% intensity because it keeps them loose, fluid, and effortless. When they try to run at 100% intensity, their body tenses up and they slow down.

The lesson here is simple: When you adopt a mindset of balanced effort, you achieve greater heights.

Life is not about pushing to the max at all times—this is a recipe for burnout and bad results.

Balance your effort, learn to breathe and flow in everything you do. If you find that headspace, you will always thrive.

Video with 3 mighty daily habits:

3 Tiny Daily Habits That Upgraded My Life

I have filmed a daily video from my morning cold plunge for the last 99 straight days.

In Episode 94 of the series, I shared 3 tiny daily habits that upgraded my life:

No phone for 30 minutes post-wakeup.
Grayscale mode at least 90% of the day.
1-1-1 journaling every evening.

The habits are entirely free, quick to implement, and will have a significant impact on your life.

Give them a shot and let me know what you think.

Simple idea to spark your creativity:

Three pages a day

Short read on the power of Morning Pages for stoking creative thinking.

The simplest version of the idea is that you establish a routine to sit down and free write (by hand) every single morning.

Doing so creates a powerful habit of getting ideas off your brain and onto the page, forces clarity of thought, and sparks new ideas and insights.

I think I'm going to give this a shot, probably starting with one page in my notebook. Who's with me?!

Key Passages

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing." - Benjamin Franklin

A martial arts student approaches his teacher and asks, "How long will it take me to master this craft?" The teacher replies, "10 years." The student, looking impatient, responds, "I want to master it faster than that. I will work harder than anyone else. I will push myself to practice for many hours every single day. I won't rest until I become a master. How long will it take then?" The teacher considers this new information, smiles, and answers, "20 years."

You're waiting to speak, not listening to understand.

Shift from "Me vs. You" positioning (confrontational, waiting to speak) to "Us vs. Problem" positioning (collaborative, listening to understand).

"The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed."

Elite sprinters follow the 85% rule: They try to run at 85% intensity because it keeps them loose, fluid, and effortless. When they try to run at 100% intensity, their body tenses up and they slow down.

Life is not about pushing to the max at all times—this is a recipe for burnout and bad results.

Sahil Bloom · April 19, 2024

habitsdiscipline

For a More Creative Brain Follow These 5 Steps

James Clear · July 25, 2016

creativity

The Responsibility/Fault Fallacy

Mark Manson · January 26, 2017

mindsetrelationships

3-2-1: On practice, the soap opera of your life, and the danger of choosing the easy path

James Clear · July 17, 2025

habitsdiscipline

The One Rule for Life

Mark Manson · August 16, 2018

disciplinerelationships

Love Is Not Enough

Mark Manson · July 4, 2014

relationships

Dad’s Take

The student wanted to master it in five years by killing himself for it, so the teacher said twenty. Calm down — pressing harder is how you slow down.

Source ↗